when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
