I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
