i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
