I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my poor anus
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
