I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
