he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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