what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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