i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
