If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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