textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
