This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize