Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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