I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
