I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
