Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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