I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
