So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
