Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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