I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
