you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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