the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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