i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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