I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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