i need an iv and a liver transplant
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
