he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
