Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
