Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
