I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
