so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
