is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
