It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I want her autograph on my taint
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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