Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
