Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
