If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
