Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
