I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
