If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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