we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
