I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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