I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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