Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
