Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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