oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
