tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
