I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
