WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
