I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
