Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
