Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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