My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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